Stuck to the Ground
A Reflection on Gratitude
A week or so ago, I had the thought that it’d be nice to lay outside on a blanket in the grass, meditate, and take a nap before returning to work. I got out of my wheelchair, laid on the ground, and covered my face with a sleep mask.
I woke up 45 minutes later and realized I had made a series of mistakes.
I did not lie in the shade.
I left water inside.
My chair was sitting up an almost imperceptible grade.
I was wearing socks.
I tried sitting up. Impossible. My legs were locked straight by extreme spasticity as if long iron bars were welded to my ankles and hips at either end. I tried rolling to my stomach. Success, barely. Luckily my arms still work in these situations. I tried bringing my knees to my chest to set a foundation for getting up. Not a chance. I pulled the aluminum and tried several times to hoist my torso onto the seat. This worked until my socks and the blanket slid underneath and away from me. With great effort, I pushed the blanket aside and removed my socks. I also unlocked my chair, pulled it to the opposite side of me so that it was downhill—the imperceptible grade now something like a mountain slope–and slowly repositioned myself to try again.
After several attempts and what felt like an hour later, I managed to push and spin my body into position to sit on the edge of the chair without tipping and falling backward. Then, just a few scoots and I was far enough back to disengage the locks and wheel slowly into the garage—all the while with unyielding legs outstretched like planks.
A few minutes in the shade of the garage later and I was able to apply the proper leverage to my ankle and back of the knee to bend my legs—a skill I picked up out of necessity—and all that was left to do was to roll up a ramp into my air-conditioned kitchen where I dropped my arms laggardly into the sink and turned the water on cold. Next, I sat under an 8-bladed fan spinning at maximum speed. Eventually, I returned to work.
I can say without exaggeration that this was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever accomplished.
Why does this story belong in a reflection on gratitude? The fact is that if circumstances had been different in any significant way, this event could have been physically dangerous or even life deranging.
Here are a few things that made all the difference:
My chair has locks that hold it firmly in place (few people realize that many wheelchair locks add something like mere resistance to movement).
My arms and chest muscles still work when I’m overheated.
My cognitive ability is largely unaffected by overheating.
I had a shaded place to roll to eventually.
My home is air-conditioned, has running cold water accessible by a limp slap of the wrist, and has powerful fans.
Add to this list the fact that the weather wasn’t just a few degrees warmer or that I work from home and could even go outside for a nap at lunch. I could have told my phone to dial 911 if the situation required it. These are luxuries among countless others.
That was one of my toughest moments, but there are at least millions of people in states of unimaginable suffering—they’re in the midst of a famine, they live in a nation plagued by seemingly perpetual war, they are gripped by absolute poverty, some tragedy has completely upended their lives. Take just one of these people, and they’d likely consider their prayers answered to be teleported into the exact situation I found myself in.
This is not to say that it is wrong to be upset when your delivery driver forgets your potstickers, when you get a papercut, or when you break some object in your house. It is merely a reminder that it is possible to transform your experience in any moment by simply acknowledging something you are grateful for. Complain away, but don’t get swept away by minor encumbrances. You’re in the situation you’re in. Now, just take the next step, however small, to improve it.
I won’t repeat my mistake, but I won’t dwell on regret, either.
